Brian is let down by his favorite hero. Suicide alert in Affect!

' As a young child I was taught one golden rule, this rule superseded another other rule, this rule was the holiest of holy rules and if was broken it would result in instant death and you would rot in HELL for eternity. The rule was NEVER, EVER, EVVVVVVVER, EVER HASSLE THE HOFF!
I am sad to say today this is the saddest day of my life, for I must hassle The Hoff :( Today while I was doing my daily Hoff search on the Internet I stumbled upon this horrific picture. At first glance I thought it wasn't real, but I later found out that it was. I write this post in tears sobbing over my keyboard; Dave normally I would go to war for you but what you did to my most favoritest puppies in the world is unforgivable. After further research I found out that after the photo shoot "Wrinkles" (the adorable puppy on dave' nuts) committed suicide. Wrinkles couldn't live with the fact that The Hoff's nuts were next to his puppy pooper, so he ran head first into traffic and was stuck by a bus; oddly enough the bus had a billboard with The Hoff's picture on it; a little ironic I think. The other precious puppy "Flaps" tried to bury that horrible memory with years of abusing heroin, Ecstasy and whiskey but to no avail. Flaps eventually contracted parvo from sharing a dirty needle with another dog and 10 years later to the day of the photo shoot Flaps died. Only one person showed up at his funeral; was it the Hoff to pay his final respects? NOPE, it was John "Freaking" Stamos, apparently those two were gay lovers in the 80's. Nikki Sixx was asked about Flaps drug abuse and Nikki said "I thought I was f**ked up, this dog was 10x's worse of then I ever was", he also said that "Flaps was the most F**king hardcore dog he has ever partied with". So today Hoff I sit here and look at you in disgust knowing the fact that you can sleep at night with the blood of these dogs on your hands. Today I must officially say goodbye dear friend, forever. (sobbing)

P.S. I will be keeping my Hoff fan club card, I feel that I deserve it. Also a memorial has been setup in Flaps's name; it's called "The God don't let him do this to another animal fund". It provides other animals with vital information to avoid being victimized by The Hoff.